It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
