If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
