It's Friday. Sex?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
