remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
