I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
