He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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