I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
