Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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