she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
