I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
