Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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