Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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