Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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