Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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