I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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