i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
