You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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