she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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