508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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