that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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