She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
