This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we should paint friendship bongs
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