the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
