I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
