Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
