don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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