You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
