WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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