Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
