did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
