I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
