True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
