Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
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he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All the doctor said was why
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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