Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
