I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
