Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
