Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
