i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
