If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
