Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
