She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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