at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
