i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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