Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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