I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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