just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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