walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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