In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
