They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
