she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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