the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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