Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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