I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
