You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
