there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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