i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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