I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
