Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
