The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
