i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
