she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
