Do you still have your period?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
