how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
