these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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